Nothing Original

I made my first attempt at meeting people (by people, I mean Black people) today. i call it an attempt because I at least feel like I tried. As soon as I get the nerve to talk to someone I just shut it down. I just put my head down and keep walking. Funny how that doesn't happen when I see white people.................................................

I guess I feel like the Black people here won't think I'm Black enough. Like I'm some kinda imposter. Maybe I'm assuming too much. But then again, all that I know about Black people is assumption. It's not like I had anything to role model. The Black kids I knew were just like me. And we were the only Black people WE knew. Basically, everything I know (or think I know) I got from television. The rappers, their clothes and jewelry. The guns, the violence. The stuff I thought was cool. The stuff I tried to emulate. The baggy jeans, the big chain, the rims on my car. I figured it would help me be more like them. Those cool Black people. Honestly, I started to feel kinda dumb when all of the white kids around me were doing the same thing. So much for sticking out LOL. I guess I just didn't feel like I was being me, but I didn't even know who I was. I thought changing the way I dressed would help but I just wound up dressing like the kids around me. Still pretending..........................